Selin Topel is a PhD researcher who is fascinated by the workings of the mind, human behavior and food.

I speak from a very privileged view, but until that point I never really consciously thought about my ethnicity, my skin color and how that could, for example, lead to some people treating me in different ways.

This was the first time I ever encountered such a thing in my life.

It was back in 2018, the time when I was still taking my masters. I was situated amongst many groups of students, and there were so many of them, including mainly from Northern / Western Europe - The Netherlands but also many from Germany and the surrounding countries. One morning, I was on my way to my faculty and I decided to stop by the train station booths because I needed to go through the station to get to my faculty. I wanted to ask some questions about my train tickets and approached the employee that was working there. I asked some questions in English and the person showed some kind of irritation, which suggested strongly that she wanted to get rid of me and that she didn't really want to answer the question.

Maybe she was busy, maybe she was having a bad day… These were all possible reasons.

So I was thought, “ok, maybe I should stop by later”. Off I went to my faculty because I was late for the class anyway. I rushed straight over and after I managed to sit down and catch my breath, I turned to one of my friends who was from a Northern European country.

Still thinking about what I experienced, I turned over to my friend and told her about what I experienced. I was really interested in why I received such a reaction.

Was it because I spoke in English? Maybe because that is why she did not want to communicate in English and that's why she wanted to get through with that moment especially if they were busy. Or perhaps she was just having a really bad day.

My friend then replied, “Oh really? I don't think so because I always speak to them in English, I don't speak Dutch, but they don't do this to me so maybe it's because you are not white, that might be the reason why.” I was stumped.

So that statement wasn't intended to be offensive or harmful I guess, but I didn't know what to say. I fumbled with my words as I replied to her: “oh ok, yeah well maybe? I don't know?”

What my friend had just said remained with me for the rest of that class, and the entire day. When I had my laptop in front of me, I even googled “if Turkish people were white.”

I never knew the answer to the question and that is why I'm saying maybe it's kind of a privileged perspective to not know whether you're white or not.

I guess I was thinking that person at the train station acted that way because they were having a bad day or they didn't have the time. Not so much that my skin colour was a factor in the way of things. I still think today that this is more plausible the employee at the train station was having an off day. It could also possibly be that she did not have the time to think clearly or translate her thoughts into a different language.

But my friend’s reaction was more of “maybe it's because of your skin color or because of your ethnicity” and that was never what I would go for immediately. I wasn't frustrated though. I was maybe just disappointed actually that she just came up with something like this as a reason instead of something else, something more applicable to everybody maybe that “she [the train station employee] was indeed having a bad day.” Of course people can react the way they want but I guess she could have come up with something more neutral or more applicable to something else too.

So I was just a little bit surprised by that, but then that made me also more aware of this type of perception toward Turkish people, but also everybody else.

You are perceived in a different way, it doesn't mean to be harmful or intended to be harmful and when it comes from someone you consider a friend… that makes it tricky and an unhelpful situation.

But it does tap onto something that is a bit sensitive because it makes you question your identity, but also of the intention of others.

My advice

I guess I might even tell this story! It’s really to try to make them realize that this is probably more discriminating rather than being more inclusive just because you don't mean to hurt anybody or your intentions are not bad when you use these types of arguments or statements.

It is a sensitive topic, and that because the person is not expecting this reaction when you point this out can make them feel more excluded than included when you emphasize the fact that they're different.

People sometimes ask what should we do more for inclusivity and diversity in schools, programs and workplaces... Maybe not identifying people before they do themselves because that's just an assumption. This is also an assumption about that person accepting the identity that maybe they're not even aware of.